A Blog Post Long in the Making

It has been almost 12 months since I have posted anything on this blog. In fact, as I prepare to go to Eluru, India I realize that the last time I wrote anything on my blog was just after my trip to Eluru last January. I did not even blog anything about our very successful Designs For Hope (www.designsforhope.org) trip to Bwera, Ugana this past July. Maybe no one cares because no one was reading anyway, but then again, maybe there is meaning in the silence.

2014 has been a year of refocusing for me. I began the year struggling terribly with my ministry. I was serving faithfully as youth pastor at a very small church in Irondale, AL but there was very little joy in the work and the outward evidence of fruit was almost non-existent. I’m not suggesting there was no fruit, just that it wasn’t clearly evidence. It was very discouraging. Even more discouraging was the physical toll that the work was taking on Patty. There were so few of us working with so many troubled kids, and she would not admit that physically she could not take it. I tried to get her to back off, but her truthful response was simply “there’s no one else to do the work”. In all honesty, that precious little church – whom we both loved so dearly – was simply ill equipped to handle the type of ministry to at-risk kids that was required in that neighborhood. So we stepped down.

For months, I searched for the next ministry opportunity – all the while staying engaged in what Designs For Hope was doing – preparing for the next Designs For Hope trip to Uganda in July. We returned to our home church and I immediately got involved in teaching discipleship classes. Preaching, teaching, and discipleship have always been my passion. I have a great desire to disciple other men and could not wait until God gave me my own church so that I could instigate a systematic program of small group discipleship similar to what Jesus did – choosing a few men to disciple, teaching them how to disciple others, and then sending them out to do just that - except God never gave me that church.

It can truly be depressing to feel like you know what God wants you to do, but be unable to do it because God does not see fit to put you into the right place to do that. I really think part of the reason that I did not do any blog writing in this period of my life is that I honestly didn’t think I had anything to say. Clearly, there was something out of whack because I was simply unable to accomplish what I (at least I thought I) knew in my heart God wanted for my life. That kind of thinking, of course, presumes that your expectation of the proper path is wiser and smarter than God’s.

Then two things happened that changed everything. The first was our Designs For Hope trip in July to Bwera, Uganda. Because of my passion for teaching, I have always tried to engage in some form of pastor/church leader training whenever I go on mission trips. It started on my 2009 mission trip to Peru, where an unforeseen illness during the trip sidelined my evangelism work. Instead, I was blessed with the opportunity to train some church leaders on basic church-related doctrines. It was an unexpected blessing that I will never forget. Since then, such training has been a personal staple of my missions work. When I went to Eluru in January of this year (2014), I spent a whole day in pastor training. It was a huge success – so much so that when I go back there in a few days I will be doing it again. When I went to Bwera in July, I did the same thing. That was also such a huge success that they are likewise eagerly waiting the time when we can come back again. I say that not to boast or to pat myself on the back. The only boasting I have is in the cross of Christ AND in the simple fact that how could it NOT be successful when God himself matches your own personal passions (preaching, teaching, and discipleship) with his plans. You see, it was coming home from the Bwera, Uganda trip that I realized I was seeking the right thing – obedience in ministry – but in the wrong venue. It became clear to me that God does not (at least not at this time) want me pastoring a church – or a youth group – or a children’s ministry. Instead, I came to the realization that he wanted me to go as often as possible to the remotest places on the planet - places where faithful and willing saints are taking on the mantle of shepherd but have no access to biblical training whatsoever – and to help empower those pastors through whatever training I am able (through His power) to give. I’m no Billy Graham or Greg Laurie. I’m no David Platt or Francis Chan. I’m not Wayne Grudem or Millard Erikson to be a theologian. I’m not a seminary professor. I see no reason why God would choose me for this task. Truly, I am nobody. But I have realized that the simple Sunday morning or mid-week biblical and theological training that the average Christian in America takes for granted and very often turns his/her nose up to would be considered ministry-changing in just about every mission field I have visited. And while I am underqualified and inadequate to the task, leaning wholly on God’s gracious provision to do what he is asking me to do, I rejoice at the opportunity every time it is presented to me.

As a result, together with the rest of the team from Designs For Hope, I have committed myself to the effort of training pastors. No, I haven’t been writing blogs, but I have been writing. I’ve been writing theological training geared to the educational level of the average pastor in a developing country. And I will keep on writing this way for a long time – until God no longer has anything for me to write. And we will do our best to find opportunities to deliver that training – not only in person, but through technology such as smart phones. Designs For Hope has kicked off a new project called {Co}Mission (http://www.designsforhope.org/comission/) whereby we will be attempting to deliver biblical training content and other helps via smart phones. It is still early in development, but it has given my ministry a new purpose – one that brings more joy to my heart than any children’s ministry or youth pastor position ever has. Not that I regret any of those. They have been instrumental in my ministry development. But this is the ministry that God has called me to do.

Of course I cannot move overseas. Why you ask? That is a whole different blog. However, trust me when I say that I am confident God has called me overseas, but has not called me to move permanently overseas. That means when I am not overseas, I am here… I have no near term intentions of taking on a pastorate or another children’s or youth ministry position because – as my friend, Bob Hall reminded me – that would be a distraction from my true calling. So that brings me to the second thing that happened that changed my perspective. In God’s Sovereignty, the pastor at my home church independently caught the same vision for small group discipleship that was already in my heart. In fact, he went so far as to develop teaching guides, helps, and even a smart phone app for use in small group discipleship. Imagine 6 or 8 people, reading though the New Testament together, meeting together on a weekly basis to discuss what they have read, asking and answering questions about the text. Now that is what I call discipleship. Right now I am leading 2 such groups and am about to split one of those into a third because of how it has grown. This speaks directly to my passion for obedient discipleship and it allows me to minister while still being able to carry out God’s calling on my life to train pastors in developing countries.

Oh yeah… lest I forget… I’m still getting opportunities to preach. Perhaps I am not preaching every Sunday like I would if I were a pastor, but God is faithful and merciful enough to toss me a preaching opportunity here and there, satisfying my passion for preaching.

I have no idea whether anyone really wants to read this – or even why I am writing it. After not blogging for so long, I wondered if I should even do it… if I shouldn’t rather just take down the blog altogether. But here it is. And the point? For me, there is once again joy in ministry and for that I boast – not for myself – but in God’s wisdom and mercy – for his knowing better than me what will satisfy the longing in my soul. Out of the depression comes rejoicing. Out of silence comes praise. For you, there is encouragement to remember that no matter what dark valley you may be in, God is there… and he has plans…