Because of the constant threat of identity theft and other
such horrific social and cultural perversions, I will keep certain personally identifiable details out of this post. Those of you who know me well enough will be
able to fill in the blanks - literally speaking. Those who
don’t know me well enough do not need to be able to fill in the blanks, but will be able to get the gist of the point regardless.
In just ___ days I will be forty-______ years old. That’s just ___ years from being 50! Over the hill is now squarely in my rear view
mirror. In fact, over the hill has taken
on a whole new meaning. Now it means
going backwards in time towards my youth.
I am quickly picking up speed down the hill now and my brakes are
beginning to overheat from the constant application. Don’t get me wrong. I am fighting it tooth and nail. I have my foot fully pressed on the brake
pedal. I have lost 70+ pounds in the
last year and that has, hopefully, slowed down the progress tremendously; but I
imagine that soon the brakes will fail and there will be nothing to stop me
from hurdling full speed ahead into the valley below.
Someone once said that getting old is a mindset. If getting old is a mindset, then recent lapses
in mental capability that I have experienced must be telling me that old is a
reality not as far into the future as I might expect or even hope. I still think I am a fairly sharp guy
mentally, but recently I was at a restaurant with my wife, looking at the menu,
and caught myself asking her, “Honey, do I like their soup?” It is not a good sign if you don’t even know
whether you like something or not.
Likewise, it can’t be a good sign that last night I was complaining to
myself when we (my wife, some friends we had over to our house, and me) had not
eaten dinner yet – and it was only 6pm! Can you say early bird special? AAAAAAHHH...
Maybe getting old really is a mindset and I just need to
adjust my thinking. I must confess,
however, that my body has been telling me something quite the opposite for the
last couple of years. There is something
very physical – not just mental – about this whole aging thing. Aches, pains, soreness, and stiffness appear
to be more the norm than the exception.
I refrain as much as possible from taking pain medications, but I can’t
help but think that I will one day be that guy who takes 10 or 15 pills a day –
but let’s hope not. Rather, let’s hope I
can work my way off the meds I am currently on and can keep from adding new
ones. Already I have reduced my blood
pressure medicines to almost nothing due to my recent weight loss and if I keep
losing weight, I may hopefully come off of them altogether and perhaps my CPAP
machine as well! How’s that for not
going down without a fight!
Trust me, it is a fight.
So in fighting that fight I have done a few things differently this past
year. In addition to actually taking
weight loss seriously, I have also taken up a new hobby – kayaking. That’s right - heading downriver in a
miniature canoe is surely something for young people, not old people. Of course I’m not brave enough to attempt
anything over a Level 1 rapid; but hey, I’m in the boat! It’s a start.
Exercising helps, too, and my torture of choice is a recumbent bicycle
that I can ride three or four times a week (if I am disciplined enough) in
front of the television. Occasionally I
even walk a few miles, and I take the stairs more often at work. I have seen big improvements in my health and
physical condition as a result of these small steps. Senility, I defiantly shake my fist in thy face! Ye shan’t have me before my time!
Some things, though, just can’t be avoided. What scientific principle is in play that says
when you get older you can no longer eat onions or peppers in the morning – or for
that matter smoked sausage? Breakfast
is my favorite meal of the day and to have an omelet (even if it is just an
egg-white omelet) without onions or peppers is just plain wrong. Apparently, I can’t avoid the vision problems
either. It started a few years ago. Then I just had difficulty reading the
excruciatingly tiny instructions written on medicine bottles (what’s the deal
with that anyway – you need a microscope to read the sides of medicine bottles
these days). That progressed to having
to wear reading glasses on rare occasion just to read books late at night. Then came the day I couldn’t read the dinner
menu at a restaurant because I didn’t have my reading glasses with me. Now I have to carry them everywhere I
go. Without them, I actually know what
it feels like to be illiterate. These
are the inevitable signs that no matter how hard I fight it, the future is
still coming. Yes, it’s coming.
“It’s coming.” Don’t
say it too loudly or it may hear you and overtake you. Whisper it softly. They are ominous words that haunt us – that remind
us - of the one thing that can’t be avoided – the Valley of the Shadow of
Death. When I was young, I couldn’t see
that valley. In fact, I was certain that
Christ would return for us all before it got here. Now that I am on the back side of the hill,
it is clearly visible. It was always there
and none of us are guaranteed even tomorrow, but we all have that false
expectation - a hope really - that it
remain as far away as possible. For me,
it may still be on the far horizon, but I can see it now more clearly than
ever. It is within sight. If actuaries and family history are any
indicators at all, I have fewer years ahead than are behind. That is a very sobering thought, especially
since I only recently figured out what God wanted me to do with my life. I have so much to do and not enough time (or
on most days – energy) left to do it! I
have squandered the time God has given me on selfish things and want to spend the
rest of my time giving it back to Him.
I look at my life and wonder how I got here. My house is an empty nest and I can’t help
but think that somehow I missed my children’s childhood. Where I once looked forward to the day when
they would be out of the house, I now look forward to the times when they come
home – if only for a few hours. I can’t
deny that my wife and I are thoroughly enjoying being empty nesters, but we
both look forward to the possibility of grandchildren visiting some day. Having kids back in the house would not be a
bad thing. On the other end of the family
tree, my wife misses her parents fiercely and I grow more and more concerned for
mine on a daily basis. How much longer
will they be with me? A morbid thought
for sure, but one grounded in reality nonetheless.
These are the things that define the human condition. It is who we are. In many respects, my time has come and gone…
but in so many other respects, my time has only just now begun. Every day on earth is one day closer to the
day I will be with Christ in eternity.
Every day on earth is one more day of grace given to me by the Heavenly Father
to do His will. Lord willing and the
creek don’t rise I still have years and years left to enjoy the life he has
given me. On this forty-_____ birthday
of mine, I can relate wholeheartedly to the words of Paul in Philippians
3:13-14: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I
press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ
Jesus.
In fact, there’s really another way to look at this whole
over the hill thing. Going uphill was
really hard. It was, after all,
uphill. Going downhill has to be much
easier, right? Now that I know I am on
the right track and assuming I am headed in the right direction, why shouldn’t
I just take my foot off the brake and pick up speed? Sure, the Valley of the Shadow of Death can
be a scary place, but I will fear no evil for I know that God is with me – and I
know what lies on the other side for me and all those who claim the name of
Jesus.
Well, that may be true. However, I have to admit I will probably
keep fighting it as much as I can, but I will not fear it. There is much joy, much happiness, much grace and
mercy in the future. I don't want to miss even a second of it. I can say that with
confidence because I agree with the words of civil rights activist Ralph
Abernathy who said “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds
the future.” He also said “Bring on your tear gas, bring
on your grenades, your new supplies of Mace, your state troopers and even your
national guards. But let the record show we ain't going to be turned around” –
but I’m not sure that applies to this situation… well, maybe it does…metaphorically
speaking, that is.
Happy Birthday, Me.
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