In the aftermath of the recent Designs for Hope mission trip to Uganda, I thought I might share with you some of the things we saw that you will never see in the United States. Now these are not the expected things, such as lions and elephants - which technically you can see in a zoo in the states and, besides, we never saw a lion - although we did see elephants. Rather, these will be things that were, generally speaking, unexpected.
Rhino Crossing Sign - we might have expected to see a Rhino, although we didn't. Besides, you can always go to the zoo to see a Rhino. However, when we saw the Rhino Crossing sign, we were somewhat taken by surprise. Here's a question... what do you do when a Rhino crosses the road? Somehow I think an animal as big as a Rhino always has the right of way. On a related note, we also saw a Zebra Crossing sign in downtown Kampala, but we are still debating whether it really meant that Zebra cross there. I'm in the camp that says...hmm...no.
A Mother Breast Feeding in Church - OK, I will admit that in our culture we are overly sensitive and averse to a public display of that wonderful thing which has kept our babies alive since the beginning of time. And while, to the dismay of some overly prudish folk, those taboos are beginning to crumble in our culture, it can still be quite disturbing (not to mention distracting) to the preacher (uh, that would be me in this case) when a two year old sitting on the front row decides he can't wait for the buffet at Denny's - not that there would be a buffet at Denny's...or a Denny's for that matter...in Uganda.
Rocks Used as Construction Cones - That's right, hundreds and hundreds of breadbox sized stones all lined up in neat little rows to keep the crazy drivers of Uganda from killing the road construction crew. The manpower involved in setting these construction cones out must be staggering...
Traffic in Kampala - Speaking of crazy Ugandan drivers, I've been to some places where traffic and driving were downright scary. Quito, Ecuador comes to mind for instance. None of them hold a candle to what we experienced in Kampala or all of Uganda for that matter. Stepping behind the wheel (or stepping off the curb for that matter) literally means taking your life in your own hands. Cars, trucks, motorcycles, bicycles, and pedestrians all follow one simple rule: "I have the right of way - unless you are a Rhino." There were traffic cops around, but I honestly have no idea what they did. On more than a few occasions we were looking face to face playing chicken with another crazy Ugandan driver. I know we clipped another car - mirror to mirror - on at least one occasion and I am pretty sure at one point we actually hit a pedestrian. By the way, honking your horn in Uganda means "Get out of the way; I'm coming thru and I'm not slowing down!" Oddly enough, the honking of the horn is a kindness - because they really aren't slowing down!
Hover Toilettes - I've heard and experienced that bathroom conditions outside the US are bad, but I can't think of anywhere in the US where males and females share the same hover toilet. As one of the ladies on our team said, "I'd rather go in the woods." The guys agreed.
Genuine Selfless Hospitality - I live in the South where hospitality is a staple we are proud of. However, I've never experienced the level of genuine selfless hospitality we experienced in Uganda. I would go as far as to say it was a little uncomfortable. Knowing how little they have, I felt guilty being on its receiving end.
Kids Excited to See a Beach Ball - all kids like beach balls, but the kids in some of the villages we visited not only have never had a beach ball, but didn't have a ball of any kind. For them a beach ball was cause for pure joy...and a soccer ball was downright rapturous.
Kids Cutting Grass at School with a Machete - Speaking of kids, what do you think would happen if you took all the kids at your school out to the playground and gave each of them a machete. I'm pretty sure the outcome would be dicey and I have no doubt DHS would have a thing or two to say about it. In Uganda, that's just part of the normal school day and how the playground grass stays cut. Believe it or not, no one gets hurt - that is, until one of the kids hits a hornet's nest hidden in the grass (which we saw happen while we were stuck waiting in the crazy traffic).
Toilet Paper Street Vendor - OK, so being harassed in our van by street vendors selling everything from peanuts to papayas to plantains to meat on a stick was expected... The funniest thing we heard all week was a distracted street vendor lamenting the fact that we were not stopping at his intersection as he exclaimed (give it a Ugandan accent) "Wait! Some meat!". I guess you had to be there. But a toilet paper street vendor? That was truly unexpected. I guess when you gotta go you gotta go... and you might need it for that hover toilet (shudder).
Here's a couple of slightly expected things we saw that you won't see in the US.
Phone Charging Stores - this one would only be expected because part of the Designs for Hope mission is to free pastors from this bondage - so we knew they existed. However, we never expected to see so many of them - several per block it seemed - .small stands with 25-50 plugs charging cell phones at 500 Shillings (20 cents) each. That might not seem much to us, but to the African, having a cell phone is a life-line and for the African living in the bush with no appreciable annual income, 20 cents every time your cell phone dies is substantial.
Thatched huts - Although not completely unexpected, it was still amazing to see the stereotypical grass thatched huts still widely used throughout the bush.
Women Balancing Large Heavy Loads on Their Heads - They still do this? Apparently, and its more impressive to see in person than on TV or in pictures.... Just how do they do that? Color me impressed.
Miles and Miles of Slum Markets - I expected to see slum markets... What I didn't expect to see were literally miles and miles and miles of them. How many papayas and plantains are there in Uganda anyway - and who is going to buy them?
Cactus Trees - Perhaps if I thought hard enough I might have anticipated this one, and maybe there are some cacti out West that might qualify as trees, but these were some of the biggest cacti I have ever seen.
Ant and Termite Hills the size of Houses - just one word... Freaky. It is the stuff nightmares and bad horror movies are made of.
Baboons on the Side of the Road - got a banana? That's what they were asking every car that passed.
And saving the best for last...
A Pastor Driving a Motorcycle... in a Suit... Through the Jungle... in the Dark...with two other people riding on the back of the bike - I promise you will NEVER see that in the US, but kudos to Pastor Alfred - the sole member of the Rescue Committee. Pastor Alfred was not part of our "in country" team, but no matter where we were ministering, he always seemed to show up and was gracious and kind and helpful to our work efforts. And when we got stuck in the mud, he appeared literally from nowhere to help get us out, including some fairly impressive suit-donning trailblazing through the jungle at night to get us back to "civilization." The two other riders were locals who showed him the way through the jungle "pass". If only our pastors understood Servant Leadership as well... It was certainly a lesson for me!
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